hello RANDOM :D

P-p-p-Poker

2009-09-08T14:24:00.002+08:00

Hello people,
last week poker-ed 2 days straight in our chalet.
spend a 100 dollars like nothing.
broke a red wine and beer bottle,
other than that, i guess it was fun.

yesterday poker-ed at chester's place again,
lost 20, normal.
ate mac, late order like almost an hour,
thanks to the operator who said there's mcflurry,
when there's no ice cream from 2am - 6am

slept for 5 hours,
woke up, bus home.
call starhub to enquiry about my bills,
filled in my visa application,
changed to semi-formal,
get down to school to pass my liaison officer my visa,
stoning at mp lab now.

really need some sleep.
need cigarettes.
and i really want that shades from cotton on.

yes, my blog is boring.
yawns

2009-08-23T00:37:00.003+08:00

6 weeks to october,
9 weeks to 19's,
and countless amount of weeks till graduation.

flashlight is going well in schedule,
with me working on the menus and AI implementation.
personally, I would like to thank my team for working this hard to get so far.

might be leaving for genting in the september,
as a earlier celebration for my birthday since i'm leaving for osip.
pretty much things are like that right now.

just hope nothing will change.

2009-08-19T03:53:00.001+08:00

Impaired judgement led me to an abyss, where a witch attacked me unsuspiciously. I'm blinded and weaken to the extend my knees give way even to mere walking. My only hope was a four leave clover that was missing from my pocket. The time in my watch stopped, the cigarette I was smoking had burnt out, the hopes of leaving the abyss was diminishing. I gave a try for a final surge of energy and started dashing. A blackout, a shiny light and a familiar sound.

Trembling in sweat, I realised I just woke up from my dream. Probably, it felt too real to be a dream.

imissyou, badly.

2009-08-05T00:48:00.002+08:00

The words you said,

I will remember.

After this,

I will be different.

I will be stronger,

better, more independent,

more confident.

Cause I know,

although it was bad,

you probably meant well.

2009-07-29T00:23:00.003+08:00

I look like a mosquito.

God gracious.

Australia's OSIP cancelled.

Stucked in Singapore for MP.

faints

I need a day off,

have been pushing myself too hard.

Too much for this month,

too much for me.

Still confused and lost.

2009-07-26T04:56:00.001+08:00

I let my defences down, brought you into my castle, treated you like a queen, allowed you control. In the end, you couldn't even bring yourself fight a war. I'm a ruthless ruler, you made yourself clear to be peaceful. I hated that idea, and you gave up on me, since there was another better king. Having all the best troops and all the fanciful weaponary, beats nothing but an invisible thread of alliance. Thus, you left with all the knowledge, destroying a place you once called home. It's not easy for me. I could always rule again, but the rush is always not so powerful anymore.

All I shall say

2009-07-25T15:20:00.003+08:00

i tried, and now you've lead me to solitude.
i know i can't break through,
because this is so real.

yet knowing that,
it's like trying to write with no pen.

people told me to give up,
telling me all sorts of cock and bull story.
i'm still here waiting.

and even if i am gone, i know you'd not regret.

2009-07-23T00:10:00.001+08:00

i like you alot,

i really want to hold you.

i know its hard to know me.

but i want this to work.

it has been long since i've treat someone so dear.

just gimme a shot.

although it's gonna be hard,

but trust me just this once.

2009-07-22T02:14:00.002+08:00

zouk-ed last friday to celebrate my license!

it was fun although there was only lenis and his cousins.

but getting to know new people was great.

this week is just lots of tasks to finish for MP,

its seriously killing me.

i think i need a break,

i need you badly,

but you don't see it.

maybe, zouk-out this sat.

glad.

2009-07-12T00:58:00.001+08:00

chuck's not trustworthy...
trust me.

Center or Left?

2009-07-08T11:53:00.003+08:00

Found out that center alignment is nice, but after posting two posts on my itouch, I realised that left alignment is better! Therefore, I'm gonna stick to that I guess. MP's gonna start like darn soon, have to be in school by 1pm to finalize the game idea and I guess we're gonna start. My group mates seem like it's nice to work with so I guess there shouldn't be much of worries for human resource.

Friday - Sunday working, arghs! Although can earn money, but think of it already sian. Totally have no idea I would tide over those 3 days.

I want my HTC Dream soon! Have been using Omnia and the screen is seriously pissing me off. Keyboards/Hard Keys are always better I guess, although I'm quite a fan of Apple's on-screen keyboard. Dry-run on my Brother's Dream looks awesome. I need it soon, need to test out Android, looks like a good phone OS.

And someone complained that my blog is all words and no pictures, therefore, I shall start posting pictures on my blog hopefully since uploading photos is such a chore. Take photo - Connect phone to computer - Copy/Paste to folder - Upload to Blogger and wait. This is such a vicious cycle, long and tiring if there's many photos. Wonder how people can even post so much photos on their blog *points at you know who lah*

I'm falling in love with boardgames.

2009-07-06T17:23:00.001+08:00

My laptop is currently used by my younger brother and I don't see the need to snatch it from him so yah, explains why I'm blogging from my itouch which I think is quite fun though it's troublesome compared to typing on a keyboard.

After sleeping for 8 hours, waking up to see the sky dark and gloomy, really makes me feel darn like going back to sleep. But somehow I can't sleep long anymore, which is bad. Thus, watched some random shows, played a game and finally end up on my bed again. Arghs, kinds missed schooling!

then I read some blogs and stuffs, made me think a lot. maybe if I used to have a stand for myself, things would be real different. I'm always hoping that my life was different but I was too reluctant to change. But now, after consolidating all the advices and remarks to get myself enroute, people start to speculate about my sudden change in personality and it seriously confuses me.

oh, tell me what to do. when you find out that no matter how much you try to change, it'll always be that way because people don't change. Maybe, sometimes you have to look on the brightside.

Peiwen says I'm a total pessimist. HA!

Today

2009-07-05T08:48:00.001+08:00

This feels like it has happened before, it's more than a dejavu, more than reality. The people I see today, are yet different from the ones I used to see. Then I thought to myself, "Maybe the time has come for things to change, maybe it's time to continue my path instead of always lingering around." though there will always be those who will walk as I do. And for all this, the more I'll treasure those who stand by me no matter what the day might be.

Posted from my itouch (explains the sloppy layout)
Venue: TYP Stadium

2009-06-29T02:00:00.002+08:00

Finally!

It's the end of schoo life.

No more projects for grading! Yay!

What's left is OSIP and PW.

Hope i won't die to live.

2009-06-26T17:43:00.002+08:00

Sometimes being a neutral party,

lets you see everything.

Yesterday was Mj at Chest's house,

with two fallens.

Was playing halfway till an sms made everyone lost.

Lenis was sad,

Edwin was sad.

Chester was lost.

I was dumbfounded.

Although right after,

me and lenis started drinking.

I couldn't feel more void in me then yesterday.

They had someone to be sad about,

someone to be happy about,

just someone there they know out there.

Yet, I was there.

No one that I could be happy about,

no one to be sad about,

nothing, there was only emptiness.

I can't help it to feel this way.

Seeing them sad,

makes me sad too.

They have been the closest friends,

or maybe family that I have.

We spend almost all our time together.

May it be something simple from talking,

to maybe something complicated like gaming.

Everything.

I'm glad although I don't have that one,

but at least I have that many.

2009-06-23T02:46:00.002+08:00

wah, damn fartk up ah,

play games until leg cramp.

plans tml:

presentation slides,

presentation slides

why no school already schedule still feel so packed?

sianz.

2009-06-22T02:47:00.003+08:00

you're just becoming someone I don't know anymore

but i guess i've already seen that coming

okay, up for me.

haven't been asleep since i woke up on friday.

exactly 2 days with about 5 hours of nap.

rushed finish bscg, about 5 more days to my holidays :D

been surviving on one meal a day,

ya'know, cigarettes are damn exp,

i swear i'm growing skinner!

still wondering where my sip is,

my classmates already know theirs.

hope i don't get posted to a fcuked up one!

i look forward to july!

cause june 09 is sucha bitch.

nothing good seemed to be happening.

old friends, suddenly feel like they are so foreign

new friends, they don't exist at all, not much of a social person,

couples that should be together are still together

couples that shouldn't be together are still together

the same people still continue to amaze me everyday

i guess late nights are always this boring if you're alone

need to go and live in my bedok or pasir ris house

prays for a midnight bbq drinking session to be soon

and and, my "3" and "s" key on my laptop is spoiling,

fcuk it.

i guess i will figure out how to sleep soon.

insomnia's getting the better of me.

2009-06-19T05:19:00.002+08:00

Yes, it's the time of the day for preaching!

My back is fcuking aching thanks to like 5 hours of gaming.

God knows why is it so long.

I'm starving now, but too tired to get anything.

So i guess i'll just die in my bed.

Suddenly feel like watching Saw Series,

but I might just skip that,

havta see what's installed for me today

I realised that all the girls i can possibly talk with are naggy!

My mum, is a big nag,

Peiwen is a big nag,

Des is a big nag (although she's always not replying, what a bestfr),

Po is a nag,

and maybe the list goes on.

Few more days and school starts,

then one week later,

it ends for me.

How dumb,

might be doing SIP,

might be doing OSIP @ Australia,

might be just rotting in school for MP,

I'm still not informed,

but I want to go Australia.

Weather nice,

Angmohs nice,

Food nice,

Scenary nice.

As usual, my dad wakes up,

checks his phone,

and says the same thing.

"Ah hao ah, hao shui jiao liao"

English: Ah hao ah, better go to sleep already

This always happen when I'm at home.

May it be 2 am, 3 am, 4 am, 5 am or 6 am,

as long as I get the feeling to sleep,

he will wake up and tell me this.

I somehow find it amazing,

maybe it's the father-son bond.

Man, I'm crap.

2009-06-15T04:20:00.003+08:00

There was once someone told me,

"You're not happy just because you can't get what you want"

At that time, I was furious.

I thought that yes, things didn't go my way.

Of course I would be unhappy,

Who wouldn't?

Yet, I didn't see how absurd was I.

I was being a tyrant.

I wasn't even allowing the boat to sail.

I was pushing it, destroying the hull,

although I thought by installing paddles,

the boat could go faster.

Until before now,

I always wanted things to be my way,

maybe because it always did,

or maybe it didn't.

Just that I made it my way.

All because I didn't want to waste my time.

But today, I browsed facebook of that certain someone.

I saw this photo.

This photo of someone I used to know.

Then,

I realised.

All that I thought was right for me,

was wrong suddenly.

I couldn't even find that word to describe myself.

I'm complex, I'm sophisticated.

Everyone's the same.

I couldn't see myself different from everyone anymore.

There are more people who says
"Hey JH, I saw someone that looked like you just now"

I'm growing more common,

I'm losing my stand.

It's me losing myself soon.

Suddenly, a gush of mixed solitude rushed through me.

I felt nothing,

I just keep seeing the same photo over and over again,

It was like a visual imprint in my brain,

Even with the window closed,

I could even match the exact poses,

the exact emotions,

the exact expressions that was on that photo.

I am shocked.

I've never felt this way before.

Words can't describe this.

Maybe I'm still stucked in the space-time continuum,

still stucked in months ago.

Oh, tell me what should I do now...

cause I don't think anyone has made that much impression,

since like 4 years ago.

I say 1, 2, 3

2009-06-13T03:36:00.002+08:00

I say 1, 2, 3.

The lights are off.

The music is running through my headphones from some random blog.

The weather is making me sweat like a pig.

3 little things today,

1. Feel accomplished finishing part of GAUD

2. Feel damn broke because I am broke

3. Feel damn f'king lost still

3 little things tomorrow,

1. It's a Saturday

2. I always dread the weekends

3. Hope Sunday will come and end sooner

1 word to mention,

Collide.

2 phrases to say,

You're never like before,

yet, you're still there

3 more minutes,

and then i will go to sleep.

Goodnights and thanks for reading this boring post! :)

The clock goes tick tock...

2009-06-12T01:22:00.002+08:00

Tick tock tick tock,

the clock goes...

My laptop is on battery,

anytime it might just go off,

i have about 5 tabs on my IE browser.

A certain one made me think.

Listening to tonight by faber drive,

really reflects what i'm feeling right now.

but i don't really think that when every night i missed you,

i can look up the stars and see you at all.

the clouds are always blocking,

making the view so vague.

my 600 - 700 degree spectacles,

made it so clear that it was impossible for me to glance at anything.

so, i gave up looking at stars.

if i'm at home,

it will always be a battle between absolute loneliness.

my handphone obviously doesn't ring at all.

it's like a small black rectangle that randomly lights up at intervals.

contents are always that predictable.

then the clock goes tick tock as my earphones go off.

but however with it on, as i see every minute passing by,

i wonder what do i do with this life of mine.

never had i felt so lost before,

never had i felt like giving up so much,

never had i felt like everything's missing something,

never had i felt like i missed you so much.

but as i tried to think,

there's not even anyone to miss,

so i'm just missing the someone,

the someone who happens to be also missing someone,

because i guess i know,

that certain someone is just waiting,

waiting for me to pick her up.

but for now, it's still an open ended question.

Changes

2009-06-09T13:47:00.002+08:00

I'm always amazed to see how fast things changes,

like a minute, a couple may break up,

and then next, they are together again.

my changes I often get shocked about,

is the endless possibilities,

to overcome myself and my capabilities.

i often thought that i was just wise,

not intelligent,

but wise.

I could see things, understand them, apply them,

but not to factor, variable changes.

Variable changes I guess, is what makes life so interesting.

I always thought I had an eye for everything,

may it be, gambling, girls and

even the smallest detail to every burns in a void deck table.

Yet,

I was proved wrong.

Just in a matter of weeks,

It changed you.

I have no idea what happened,

and I wouldn't want to question.

Hopefully,

the change i foresee in my life realizes,

and I will be out of this in pretty much soon.

You changed, I have not.

Updates.

2009-06-07T04:02:00.002+08:00

Hi people,

few things I have to say, not that anyone is gonna see this.

1. My grand dad just passed away, explaining my low online traffic nowadays

2. Removed my tagboard for certain reasons

3. Deprived of sleep for almost 3 days because of projects, mj and the wake

4. Yes, i'm sad. Who wouldn't be?

5. I'm starting to lose hopes in somethings.

Maybe this incident made me change,

I don't feel the same anymore.

Suddenly,

everything just seem so tiring and sad.

As I saw the tears roll down from my dad's cheeks,

for the moment I saw, how f-ed up of a son I was.

I couldn't do anything for him,

and all I could was to give him a pat on the back.

In times like this,

you start to build up a perspective.

Something so different from what you had in mind all along.

Everything's so alien, everything's so new.

So what should you do? What should you do, JH.

Insomia

2009-05-30T04:48:00.001+08:00

I think I am suffering from insomia,

i can't bring myself to sleep,

even how tired i am,

and how little sleep i've got

and this is making me sick physically,

my throat is kind of dead now,

my head spins like a top,

my limbs are like breakable.

hopefully i won't die.

did i mention?

i've been eating one meal a day.

omg, i need to take a serious break from this!

too many schoolwork really kills.

My Life

2009-05-29T03:19:00.003+08:00

Hello peeps.

I'm back.

Updates:

1. School's ending in about 3 weeks for me

2. SIP and MP are starting in 3 weeks time

3. Pitch up in 3 weeks time

4. MGPG Release!

Schools are kinda normal right now. Guess i've spent more time

slacking around void decks then studying.

Hopefully, i don't fail attendence :S

oh yeah, guys interested in business should check out dragons den

on youtube. it's awesome.

might be going to indonesia next week?

chester's 19th birthday is next week

and we are planning to move it out of town.

Pretty much,

i've praying hard to get a good SIP or OSIP.

And and, i'm involved in Asian Youth Games.

Hope I can get it done real well :D

and i bet my fan is euodia! hahaha :)

xoxo

New cover, New story

2009-05-22T05:06:00.003+08:00

As the chapter ends, a new story unfolds.

This point of life is what I should say,

uncomforting, stressful and demanding.

crippling fears of the past, maimed me temporarily,

unable to move forward.

The wild fires of the forest,

the smokes of the aftermath,

awoke me once again.

I shall rise in this new story.

I will be strong,

nevertheless,

revealing the weak self in me again.

Lies

2009-05-11T03:25:00.003+08:00

Think about the endless possibilities how a situation might turn out,

there is one on how would a situation turn out.

we, as humans, are forced to adapt to different situations.

this ability to adapt, in fact, unconciously,

turned us away from the truth.

we lie.

usually, we do it with a clear mind,

with intentions unknown to many people.

but sometimes,

we just do it unconciously.

many of us do not realise the adverse effects of lies.

i lie, you lie, we all lie.

yet, we don't really see the fault in us lying.

we lie, only to reap personal benefits.

life's always about yourself.

you want to live it your way often,

but however, you don't get to.

therefore, you lie your way through, just to make it seem like it is your way.

actually, in the end, you're just lying to yourself.

obviously, i've did lots of lying.

i base my life on lies, countless of lies.

lying about my intelligence,

lying about my status,

lying about my mood.

it goes on everyday.

i lie my way through.

let people think i'm defenseless,

yet however,

i'm always that well-prepared.

i lie, to get people defenseless.

when they are at a blank,

you attack them.

Intelligence is the key to things.

Lying is a way to cover up for intelligence.

No one intelligent person in the world who do not lie.

They always lie,

maybe it's lying about their achievements

or just anything.

Everybody lies.

Bottomline,

It runs on instinct.

Bon Voyage!

2009-03-22T01:54:00.001+08:00

Goodbye and Bon Voyage :D

10 days to go!

2009-03-12T08:50:00.002+08:00

hello readers, if there are any,

just got back home from tj's chalet

where I'm like half wasted after the chivas, martel and tequila.

china man was great, pig leveling was awesome.

got to know some new great guys like

bunho, jaylord, hong li, eugene, boss (sorry if any spelling mistakes)

overall, the bbq was quite fun.

but it was however lacking in numbers,

but it still made it.

yet, i feel bad to p.s. my clique.

sorry guys!

oh yeah, des' party was good.

except that i didnt really get any,

and i promise that i will get one from my US trip okay!

just some personal thoughts,

i always thought this life was enough for me,

i always thought this freedom,

this having to not have any emotional attachment was great.

till one day,

i realised that in none of any pictures,

was there a smile to my face.

the once radiant smile i always had,

it was gone.

somehow, it drifted with the wind.

i need someone,

someone who could chase the wind.

i think i know who's the someone,

but i feel thats all an illusion.

therefore,

i resign to fate,

it's me against fate,

will i get to get back that smile once again?

18 days in US,

this 18 days will change everything,

everything that i thought i wil have,

i will lose it without realising it.

fingers crossed, tongue tied.

hoping that oxygen will turn into gold.

Choice

2009-03-02T04:48:00.001+08:00

If I had one choice,

I would choose to not have the choice.

Only that,

no one gets hurt,

no one gets sad,

and nothing gets changed.

After 3 days of Hell...

2009-02-26T03:30:00.002+08:00

Yes, after 3 days of hell in tJ's house,

I'm back home finally,

like a free bird, no more assignments and schoolwork for 2 months!

however, shortly in about 24 days, I would be leaving Singapore for USA for 18 days :)

don't ask me to buy any gifts,

because I don't think I have any money for that.

After lots of time immersing myself in editing frames of animations,

looking at dozens of A* algorithm explainations,

and other AI techniques.

I suddenly feel so lost without a purpose.

I guess this is what happens after 3 days of work stress.

the 3 days was awesome if there was no work.

the usual fun at tJ's house,

planning for the trip and bull crapping with each other.

so, what for holidays?

1. A haircut, I think my grass hair looks like shit now.
2. New spectacles, I can barely bring myself to wear my specs now.
3. A new pullover and leather jacket for my trip
4. No work, working is stressful

5. Duty free cigarettes! :D

6. Lots of mahjong nights

7. Being broke in the end

that's all, till then, when the next time i feel bored, I will be back :)

USA HERE I COME!

2009-02-18T00:26:00.001+08:00

Oh yeah, things have been going well for the USA trip!

spending like hell a lot for that.

till then!

folks will have to wait while i finish up my assignments

for a proper blog post :D

Creating a linked list in C++

2009-02-15T23:59:00.002+08:00

Poor GET students having to complete A2 of AIGD,

a linked list will be needed for the implementation of A* search algorithm,

that's if you want to make you life hard by using sorted arrays.

therefore, how do you do linked lists in C++ since we did it in C#?

simple, let me go with a simple walkthrough.

firstly, create a node structure.

why a struct?

there's really no difference between a struct and a class,

so for me, its just lesser things to type :D

A node will contain, the data, the next node and the previous node.

then, we will created a linked list class.

because as you guys know, there will be a lot of methods to handle,

and i don't think dumping them into main will be good.

The linked list will contain a head node, a tail node and a size.

then implement the respective functions just like your DSAG assignment

and you're good to go!

just for the fun of it!

Happy-Sad Valentine's Day

2009-02-15T18:40:00.002+08:00

Yes, this year's Valentine's Day, spent alone again.
Technically not really alone, as I still have my brothers,

but nothing beats a company of a girlfriend on Valentine's Day.

However, I had quite a good time.

It started out with a mahjong session at Pw's house,

with des, xinyi, serena, gan,

where a dong lasted for like 4 hours. OMG.

I won in the end :D

then was House of Dead 2,

which everyone was forced by des to watch.

I guess only I did really finished the really boring movie.

Which I also fell asleep in the end..

Then in the morning,

gan and edwin woke up and they left.

which after at the afternoon, I woke up and left with des.

tsk! went home to sleep till night and cabbed down to meet marcus.

slack slacked slacking, till clarence & his gf, lenis came down.

then we went to ches house for mj after meeting him at lenis'

really sucked tho.

3 dongs and I lost $46.

I swear I'm seriously gonna quit mahjong with my clique.

Had the usual breakfast at Elias Mall,

had a long morning walk all the way from Elias to almost reaching WhiteSands

where me and poor lenis finally got to flag a cab that was available.

pretty much, I slept all the way till now.

That's how I spent my Valentine's Day,

interesting uh?

3DVA Assignment 1 Cleared!

2009-02-04T22:33:00.000+08:00

Finally, the model is done and poses submitted.

It's like one of a big burden off my back.

Although, IC is starting soon, real soon.

San Francisco trip's coming real soon and I'm really damn looking forward to it!

Not forgetting taking the 8 hour bus ride to HOLLYWOOD!

Oh yeah, bet it'll be damn awesome.

3DVA A1 Poses

CNY!

2009-01-31T12:37:00.003+08:00

CNY has been killing me mentally, physically but not financially!

Angbaos + Winning blackjacks + great food = my gain :D:D

i love CNY this year.

but now, i'm dead.

thanks to the overnight card game fever at tj's house and

a half overnight mahjong at des' house the day before.

i've been surviving on 4 hours of sleep till now.

the only bad thing about this year's CNY is,

projects, more projects, more more projects

test, one test, only one test :D

so people,

HAPPY CNY :D

and faz must die.

Hello Random is going to die

2009-01-28T01:49:00.003+08:00

okay, it has been since last year since i've blogged and today is like the 3rd day of CNY 2009.

I didn't really realise my blog was dying until i realised that i've actually got a blog except for my permissions to blog on my class blog.

wells, have been quite busy with schoolwork lately.

quite some stuffs coming up

Iphone Game Development (Haven't started at all, stucked with Objective-C)
Imagine Cup 2009 (Still at the process of getting it down)
Interview test for CMSK2
UT final assestment (I forgot what is my group's topic)
AIGD Assignments (Deadline's up, no framework. So dead)
GDC 2009! My first super far trip!

Pretty much, life is busy.
I am single and dead, I practically lived my life with my itouch games/videos/songs.
Slacking late nights and doing lots of reading and programming.

Oh yeah, I'm falling in love with my artifically made straw hat which i bought for fun! :D
and i feel desy, my best friend, is dumb and i'm awesome.

Look at the awesome hat.

Resolutions:

Get back to DHL again for year 2
Get into Round 1 for Imagine Cup
Successfully master Objective-C
Get myself an OSIP! :D
Money.

i think i look great for someone who is dying of work stress :D
goodnight randoms!

18 18 18!

2008-10-26T14:44:00.002+08:00

Woohoo, im finally 18.

booze, cigarettes, m18 movies, clubbing and driving!

How great :D

spent my 18th celebrating at chalet a week before.

and on the actual day, got to go KTV with my brothers :)

best ever.

signing off, too lazy to blog alr lah ~_~

Trapped in the past

2008-09-23T02:45:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, we are all stucked in the past without knowing it.

I really don't know what to do,

hearing all those words from your mouth.

I feel sad, but I can't do anything about it.

You are stucked, trapped in the past.

And I can't do anything about it.

All I could do is listen.

The things I listen,

the things I hear you say.

It makes my heart tremble.

I really want to be the guy,

to be the one to share your happiness,

to be the one to share you sorrows,

to be the one to share everything we have.

But things now seem like,

its going another way towards me.

Financial Crisis

2008-09-01T02:50:00.001+08:00

Okay, i am undergoing tremendous financial crisis!

Oh yeah, gonna guess work until school starts!

So long readers!

Not you, maybe.

2008-08-28T00:23:00.001+08:00

Maybe you're just not the one,
maybe this wild goose chase is really futile.

Maybe you should have just told me earlier.

3 more days!

2008-08-22T03:05:00.001+08:00

Yes, it is 3 more days and i see freedom. No more exams!

Having not to study for 2 months is freedom.

But Y2S2 is gonna kill me a lot with block teaching :(

Holidays,

Work, shopping, more tattoos.

How does it sound?

Excellent!

Seriously?

I don't know what to blog.

HA!

Hmm...

2008-08-15T16:16:00.005+08:00

Ever got that feeling that the first time you see someone,

you can have that affirmative feeling that:

"That's the one!"

Yes, that's what they call love.

For some, they get love.

For some, they get nothing.
One of my favorite phrases from House M.D.,

"You don't always get what you want",

also from the song by Rolling Stones.

It pretty much applies to my relationship life.

For everyone trying to chase a dream,

I am chasing what I call an impossibility.

Much, you are engineered in a way.

Sometimes, you do great in something,

yet you fail terribly in another.

I try to think as much as I can to appease you.

Yet, to only know that, I've been ignored much of the time.

I know I am insignificant in your life,

to much of the others that are exsistant.

I guess, it's just how things work.

If you aren't great enough,

you just get relegated.

I just want to let that certain someone know,

if you decide to keep things like this,

I may be gone before you know it.

It means nothing to you probably,

but it does mean everything in the world,

to make this decision.

Sentosa, 915 Exclusive

2008-08-15T02:12:00.006+08:00

Okay, 915 decided to make a breakthrough from the usual slacking routine;

and made a trip down to Sentosa!

For once, the trip was all guys,

and yes, the reason is because there were no girls.

The sun were killing us,

a drastic swap from "sitting-at-home dotaing" & slacking like kopitiam uncles,

to "beach-boys" was quite a job to be done.

Volleyball wasn't much of our "thing",

or I must say it was my "thing".

Seriously, didn't had really much to do with sports except for my height.

Had much time killing myself soaked under UV rays and immense heat,

sweating like a pig with marination from the sand.

Thank god, everything went fine and I managed to tide through it!

Okay, then there was this rock.

Someone saw a tree beside the rock.

That someone said:"Let's climb the rock!"

It was like the domino effect.

Then after came Edwin, then came Marcus,

then came Kingston and continued.

Soon, there were 7 people on the rock and we tried proving a point,

"Who said guys didn't like cam-whoring", and thus

the cam-whoring started.

F4? Nah.

We are researching on whether rocks can cause orgasms on Chester.

I must say I am a fan of meditation.

They are fans too!

The perfect balance!

Snake fist and Crane Style!

Then, we fought.
The crowd was cheering.
I gave knee and he dodged it!

And there came the punch...

He tried to break my hand with a twist.

But, we decided peace was the greatest thing on Earth.

We both decided to pay spiderman a tribute!

After that came out off with lots of actions,
like rolling on sand,
backflips, frontflips, capoeira-imitation moves,
and lots of craziness.

This is what happens,
when you put a bunch of bored and tired of life kopitiam uncles
into a lively environment like Sentosa.
It's called Chaos.

CMSK Brochure!

2008-08-14T13:59:00.009+08:00

Remembering the days,
where I sat infront of the computer
all I've ever done was play Counterstrike.

After about 4 years,
it progresses with technologies like Friendster and MSN.
Now, it has never been more than professional,
with Visual Studio, Maya, Adobe Ps/Premier and etc.

I used to be this total idiot in Photoshop.
Gradients? Blurs? Filters?
What were all that man!

Now?
Welcome to the new world.
A simple brochure design done for CMSK.

Front

Back

And finally for one of my personal favorites!
IDES Website!

Someone hire me! :D

Graphics Development

2008-08-14T13:32:00.006+08:00

Decided to post up my school works to show people how hard is it to make a game!

This is my assignment from the subject, Graphics Development.

It's just a simple 1v1 platformer, a super buggy version with weak collision detection.

Rules of game are simple;

2 players;

1 controlling the pirate with arrow keys and shoot using numpad 0;

1 controlling the dragon using WASD to dodge attacks.

Fighting is based on rock, scissors and paper concept.

Pirate gets to choose kind of attack and

dragon's attack is randomly generated.
The first whose lives deplete dies!

Have fun!

Comes with sound and save game!

Get your copy from me!

Lost

2008-08-12T02:33:00.002+08:00

Have you wondered sometimes?

You are lost, don't know what to work for in your life;

what to yearn for and almost nothing to recollect on.

Even if sometimes, there is that small little thing that makes you smile.

It is shortlived.

Sometimes, I help too much.

That I've forget myself.

Always trying to give in into something.

That I've lost my stand.

All of the times, I find it hard.

However, I can't say anything except that...

I will be gone, if you decide to not take me for real.

Basis of Understanding

2008-08-04T13:21:00.005+08:00

To understand something, is to grasp the knowledge and apply it successfully.

However, what does it mean to "understand" a logic?

A logic is premature stage of standard hypothesis.

Hypothesis are supported by facts are proven to be always correct.

Understanding a logic is simple,

just like a program code,

there are rules.

Always get hold of the foreground,

never release the hold,

until you get the main story.

Then, truely, you have grasp of the situation.

Thus, understanding.

Understanding something is easy for some, hard for others.

First, there are different intelligence levels.

Sometimes, what proves to be easy for one is not for another.

Therefore,

Try to understand others, and try to understand that;

Nothing is perfect.

"H"

2008-07-14T19:14:00.003+08:00

How do you want me to chase you,

when you have me realising this is a wild goose chase?

How do I use cans and strings,

when you don't hold the other side.

The problem with "how",

is that I won't have the answer if you don't answer it.

This nothing-ness in me,

the feeling of incapability.

Which the only way to express myself,

is through this little diary of mine.

How do I give you anything to see in me?

How are you gonna change my life when you enter it?

I don't know,

I don't have the answers.

Perhaps,

the greatest of all questions,

How do I get to know you,

when you're always stuck up in your own corner;

not willing to take a step out and receive me?

This is probably,

the hardest and most saddening thing now in my life.

"T"

2008-07-13T01:25:00.006+08:00

The words that all i could say

Is just "Hey, how are you today?"

No matter how much I try to say

You just would just would have a way

To bring me to my dismay.

However, surreal it may be,

You probing a needle through my skin

And you would probably never know,

that you are killing my soul.

So sometimes late at night,

I always tried to bring the courage,

to speak and to get attention.

But you wouldn't know,

because you're always avoiding.

Always, avoiding, someone who really loves you.

And when sometimes,

You try to catch something you thought it was in control,

often, it will turn out to be a stepping stone,

nearer to the phase of apocalypse

After plotting a wonderful script,

it fails me, as I didn't account to you

You are a destroyer.

Effortlessly, you just destroyed my heart,

just like a dry forest fire;

Without any effort.

Maybe, I've fallen in love,

or maybe, I am psychotic.

Happenings

2008-06-07T23:29:00.003+08:00

As usual, my blog rots.

I have to rush tons of projects.

fuck you.

you know who are you.

Think

2008-05-21T02:12:00.003+08:00

As I think about the thousands of possiblities,

the numbers of days, months and probably years,

I still feel the pinch of thinking.

I thought I could stop thinking,

thinking stops me from stopping thinking,

somehow, the keys, the chords and the rhythm seem so dull

Songs that play,

as I think about the notes that link up each other so perfectly,

Why couldn't things just be the way I could think it will be?

I think of the smallest and the most minute ways,

just to cure this feeling,

just to find out that I am thinking more than I should.

Maybe we should stop thinking,

and just give some time away.

Ouch

2008-05-18T03:50:00.002+08:00

Pain is a physical form of enlightment.
As the saying goes, no pain no gain.

Pain comes, pain goes.
Pain makes people happy,
pain makes people sad.
Pain makes me rambo.

I love pain,
through pain, I know that my body is adapting to the shocks.
The muscles are absorbing the impact and then pain is felt.
Although it might hurt, but it leads to closer bonds between muscle cells.

Yes,
I don't really know what I am blogging about here.
Thanks to a few shots to my thighs and shins,
and some capoeria stunts I've tried to do.
My body isn't undergoing equilibrium now.

I guess I need some sleep :)

Fuck

2008-05-15T00:54:00.003+08:00

I am just feeling fucked up.

Why can't you be more mature?
Everything about you now just makes me irritated.

Give me a break,
give yourself a break.
Grow up.

I really hate to have to tolerate bullshits anymore.

and yes,
the writer ain't writing about anything logical today.
he's currently away for the moment.

curious readers would just have to wait.

Women

2008-05-13T18:42:00.003+08:00

Woman, the greatest balance in life possibly created.
God, supposingly present, created Man first.
Seeing that Man was lonely and had no physical pleasure/unseen entertainment whatsoever,
created Woman.

The equation is simple;
God = G, Man = M and Woman = W;
G - Magical Powers = M;
when M = 1, then, G - Magical Powers - M = W;
Thus,
W = 2(G - Magical Powers);

Simply through this equation you can see that Woman are a waste of resources.
and the equation can never be God / Man = Woman, if not Woman and Man are equal.
In the first place, there could never be equality as Woman was definitely created for Man.
However, this is a biased equation as you can see.

Biologists have found out that the fact was that everyone started out with vaginas.
Yes, then the cells will undergo meiosis to either male or female sex cells,
which is decided by your XY chromosome.
Yet, the sex of a human is decided by a Male, as the Y gene if i am not wrong,
is the factor contributing into the existence of yet another male,
as females have only YY chromosomes and males have XY chromosomes.

Women, how funny it may be, sex determination, drafted histories,
point the arrow as Men being the dominant sex.

No matter how dominant Men can be,
there would be something equal in both Man and Woman.
That's the common action or I shall say activity,
Sex.

Scientists have proven that both Males and Females have the equal amount of sex drive and females ponder about sex as much as guys do.
However, when it comes to sex morally, guys always get the losing end.
All those big talks by Women about Men being bastards going around screwing other people and Men being a wild untamed beasts that are all around the clock for nothing but Sex.

And yes, I prefer to deter that beliefs in people.
Sex drive in Females = Sex drive in Males;
thus if females were to comment on us being wild untamed beasts,
they are on the equal stand.

That leads to my 3rd proposition,
Women are an inquisitive lot.
Never try to understand Women, because they won't let you to.
But, if you don try to understand them, they would say you never care for them.
Contradicting, but however, you would not stand a chance in a debate.

Never try to think how a Woman thinks.
Scientifically proven, Men's brain on average is larger by 10%.
There's an old saying,
the Smart can never think Stupid.
If you could figure out how a woman, you are then stupid.

They can see a cute toy and say its cute but you think its ridiculous.
It's just like you don't see the need for beauty products and they don't see the need for gadgets like big TVs and super computers.
They can never understand the need for gadgets.

They are a tribal lot that dwells around in supposing;
well-portrayed items compared to the more feasible and durable items like technology.
A nice dress could entertain them for probably a year.
A 42-Inch TV can entertain guys for probably 2 years or more.

Yes, I am not going poetic like Marcus.
Facts can never be carefully portrayed in a poem.
Women are simply put it in a phrase,
A needful sin.

Loopholes

2008-05-07T00:20:00.002+08:00

Loop, possible definition;
A never-ending line that coils up into a circle.

Holes, possible definition;
A hollow curvature inwards.

Loopholes, possible definition;
The possibilities for a certain someone to have a clear view of your weaknesses.

This post was inspired by none other than the great
Gan who got me thinking about my blog while having dinner.
Then, there was sparkle for me to write something.

Do you have any loopholes?
You probably wouldn't have any unless you're hiding gold.
After much deception and lies, probably, it's hard to find loopholes.

Loopholes are liabilities.
They render you discomfort, spark the insanity of a conflict and
also reveal the exact position of the gold.

Yet, it is inevitable for you to cover a loophole.
Even when you think you have everything well planned out,
there would be in an occasion, the loophole appears again.

Best solution to not have the existence of a loophole;
never believe in anyone.

Trust, uncannily, the catalyst of harm.
Believing in trust only makes you weaker as loopholes appear.
You might say they do not appear.
They multiply and replicate themselves,
like a virus, soon loopholes expose you.
For what I say as a Wonderland of Crap.

Loopholes, the way you see it.
I mean, what could be worst than loopholes?

Relationships

2008-05-06T01:44:00.002+08:00

Once I thought, that relationships were built on trust and pure affection.

Now?
Relationships are based on lies and deceptions.

Lies, the pivot to all conflicts.
Without lies, there wouldn't be a nice smile in any relationships.
You lie, I lie, We lie.
Sometimes, its a matter of who gets caught lying first.

Deceptions, lies lead to deception.
Somewhat you could say that deception is the devil of a lie.
When you lie, you deceive.
Deception is what makes one perceive to be on the bright side.

So why lies and deception?
People call this as "Cover your own backside".
I call it "Eat my shit"

If you think I'm lying, think again, you are lying too.
You are always lying, lying your way through.
And yes, i made a way through for you and let you think I was hoaxed.

Umpteen times, you try to catch me using a lie.
You thought there was gold for you to dig out.
Actually, there's nothing in the pit for you to dig.
Then you try to find sand when there's no gold.
And when you do find sand, you think its gold.

You think sand is gold.
That's why you are forever correct.
You are never in fault, because you think I am hiding all the gold.
But probably if you gave a serious thought about it, you are the one with the gold.

Most of the times, opportunities are given.
You chose to break it most of the time.
Its either you make it or you break it.
Your logical thinking taught you to perceive;
that letting an opportunity slip was a wise choice.

Negligence.
The one word you always use to somehow question things.
However, have you thought of the things you commit to?
The things that totally disgust me.
To be frank, gold don't just grow themselves.
You made them grow.

Often trust is misplaced,
I've never believed in any trees to grow from a seed.
You thought that showering so-called water could result in a tree.
Forever you are flushing down flood and incurring hurricanes.
For sure, there wouldn't be a tree.

Leading this,
fundamentally the great word "LOVE"
is the catalyst to any relationship.
Power words doesn't having any convincing powers.
Just like Christ, its just a hoax.

Always use the word LOVE to bring someone down.
But, think again, have you done enough to even mention that?
Always think have you done enough.
Yet, you have to think whether you have done any.

The question now is:"Where is the gold now?"
My answer's that "It's with you now"

Lost

2008-05-06T00:51:00.001+08:00

I feel like I am standing at the train stations without nowhere to go.

Messed.

2008-05-03T02:01:00.002+08:00

I am mixed with confusion.

thought my life through again and again,
thought of the steps i took wrongly,
thought of the steps i thought i took it correctly

sometimes i feel like sleeping,
sometimes i just feel like getting out to breathe some fresh air
sometimes i just feel like doing nothing

school's a chore,
relationship's a weird one,
friend's always there,
cigarettes's trusted ones,
money's escaping from me.

break or make it, you choose.

Guitar Lessons

2008-05-01T01:56:00.002+08:00

have been skipping for 3 weeks so I decided to drop by today's lesson
etude was very irritating although i loved etude no.1 very much
was told that romance de amor prelude and remaining is gonna be taught next week :)
shoik mans, haven't been playing a guitar seriously dunno since when!

and yes! I passed my exams :)
B(Set Piece) C(Free choice) B(Sight reading) B(Scales and etc)
Relatively high scores as D was the failing grade.

blah, off to train on etude and caihong :D

Crashing Down

2008-04-26T18:20:00.002+08:00

The feelings inside me now, can be explained by this song by Mat Kearney.

These back steps are steeper to the ground
The brightest stars are falling down
I’m walking the edge, walking the tightest rope
We can be frank, reality rips on through, rolling like a hurricane
I’m over the bridge and under the rain

If everything’s falling, if everything’s changed
If I’m in the open, if I’m in the way

What am I doing here
If you’re not with me
What have I got to live for, if it’s just my own dream
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
When gravity’s pulling, you’re still holding my heart
You come crashing down
Crashing down

These four walls are closing in on me
The talk is louder than I’ll sing
I want to be there, want to be where you are
but you know it all, Every look and smile that aren’t meant to break
I’m over the bridge and under the rain

If everything’s falling, if everything’s changed
If I’m in the open, if I’m in the way

What am I doing here
If you’re not with me
What have I got to live for, if it’s just my own dream
Take it back to the beginning, back to the start
When gravity’s pulling, you’re still holding my heart
You come crashing down
Crashing down

And you say that everything is different, why don’t we just hold on
And you say that everything is different, why don’t we just hold on

Happy Birthday Clarence

2008-04-25T00:28:00.002+08:00

Today's Clarence birthday, Happy birthday Clarence!

Just came home from drinking and;
I have 9am class tml which is totally fucked up;
because I have to wake up to go for a 2 hour lesson,
but since it's JAPANESE and hopefully there is a change in environment :D

tml is a full day out,
parents going overseas for 8 days starting tml :)
no government for me soon but school work is piling up slowly
have to remain status quo and let no one get the crown

pretty much things are like that;
but I am more of looking forward to Saturday, hopefully

Planetarium

2008-04-22T23:51:00.003+08:00

This was a website I made few months back for a project :)

and i am uploading some pictures for euodia who doesn't want to be known to view it!

This is a sub-page which is a fire planet, blah blah :]

and dear readers, have been wondering who's this euodia?
this is her photo :D

Euodia

2008-04-20T02:17:00.001+08:00

She requested for this blog post and so I have no choice to write about her

She has a sweet voice,
and she always wants me to call her to chat at night.
Yet, we have nothing going on between us, and we are just plain'o friends.

I don't know much about her and she doesn't know much about me.
I think she's quite cute but she says she's a boy which means that its bad.
I feel like I'm talking to a guy most of the time.

But its ok, in the end, she's still a girl.
She always suddenly hang your phone and you have to call back.
Or either she dumps you there alone to sms other people and you have to wait for her.

She is a beautiful lady and is quite photogenic.
But you can find a lot of dumb/stupid photos of her at her friendster.

I am only her professional boredom killer to kill the late nights.
how sad...

God

2008-04-19T01:34:00.004+08:00

I used to believe in the existence of one God.

Yet, it/he/she disappointed me thus landing myself to doubt his existence. No God spoke to me, No God gave me a light, No God showed me a sign; as it was supposed to happened portrayed by people from the church.

I was supposed to be speaking tongues while believing in God.
But all that stutter was just something random I spoke while in a trance.

I wanted to feel God, but despite my prays and my commitment,
there wasn't any chance encounters.

Maybe it's because I was reluctant to give offerings, or maybe I felt that people talking from an ancient book that has unknown sources was full of shit.

My belief wasn't that strong as I doubted the true existence of the savior, Jesus. Jesus was much of the prince in the Cinderella story, saving the people and thus making the world a beautiful one.

But, why only do people that believe in him get to go to heaven, if he is so forgiving.
Why are kids in Africa still starving, why are taxi prices rising and why are GST still on the rise? Why don't we believe in him and in the end, we get to live a good life. Yet instead, we are giving offerings every session and even to the extreme, donate a certain percentage of salary to the church.

Is setting up the church a profitable business?
I guess it is. By just one service of 10,000 people, if everyone gives $2, the church will earn $20,000. If these group of believers decide to give their salary say 10%, of median income of $3,000 per month and 1000 of them.

Per month, saying that there are 4 services, which is $80,000 and $3,000 for the monthly donation. They earn $83,000 per month, just by funding people's belief.It might not be a lot, but this is just an average gauge, and obviously, people would give more money and the donations would be more.

So, is a church a profitable organization?
Yes, because pastors always drive good cars.
This is just how I feel personally. You can try to debate me.

A friend I see

2008-04-18T12:29:00.002+08:00

Oh yes, I am anti-christ, get over and done with it.
Although on occasional basis, I will say out the reasons why I become an anti-christ.

But nevertheless, I see a friend in the way. He's my brother.
http://liveitcorrectly.blogspot.com/
that's he's address and you guys can view it.

I love the post on Mas Selamat topic and it's quite true.
I have to go out and get booze now for some girls
and meet lenis, so chill guys!

BYEBYE my trusted readers

Touch-Up

2008-04-16T22:21:00.002+08:00

Went for touch up today. Felt normal, insensitive to the pain.

In the morning, went to make a new passport.
Wow, I am amazed on how fast it took us to make it.
Snap a photo, fill a form, nets the payment and drop it in a box.
It's like less than 10 minutes and we are done :D
just that we have to collect it on monday and thats the worst part -.-

after that we went bugis to slack, played arcade ate lunch went for movies
after touch-up went down 915 slack awhile

now im stucked home blogging ;
waiting for tml to escape from this stupid home yet again.

A Ride

2008-04-15T00:39:00.002+08:00

Had an exciting ride to Circuit Road Food Centre today.
Handphone had low traffic today.

What was sad that the cigarettes was hot selling and i am left with one stick for tml!
What's more sad is that tml I have to go school for like only one hour.
Ultimately boring trip to school yet again.

I really hope Wednesday will be better with the touchup trip :)

REALLY SUCKS WITH PEOPLE RESTRICTING MY LIFE.
too sick to blog anymore

Sore Throat

2008-04-14T12:58:00.000+08:00

I am pretty stucked to this ever sore throat since Monday.

Obviously, I ain't been protecting it from harmful foreign injections like cigarette smoke, ice cold drinks and oily foods. Wells, I just can't ensure a great care for my body which is like in torn and tattered condition. My throat hurts, I cough like the next cough will be accompanied by blood, my lower back hurts and my head spins like I'm doing the cuckold doo-da-doo dance.

I would like to share a weird dream with you people. A really confusing dream.

But, faintly, I remembered.

I was in a supermarket holding a letter. An entry letter that shows which university I have entered and the degree I have been chosen for. It says Texas University - Nuclear Science. Then, after staring at it, I shouted:"Pa, Texas U., Nuclear Science!!" Instantly, my dad said:"Reject it." After a couple rounds of debate and quarrels, I find myself on my bed waking up. Yet, the dream was all so real that I could feel it. It was really freaky, that I stunned on the bed for like 5 minutes thinking even was that a dream, or I brought myself to the future.

and even weird more,
there's like less than perhaps 30 universities offering Nuclear Engineering in USA.

So, is this just a dream? Or have I breached into the unknown realms?

2008-04-14T01:47:00.000+08:00

1,2,3,4 Test.